Making a List & Checking it Twice

One of my favourite things to do is to make lists. I just can't get enough of them. I make them in the little notebook I carry around in my purse, on scraps of paper or backs of used envelopes (usually the ones my credit card bills come in :) ) I leave in my bedroom and in my kitchen, and in my Gmail inbox where I have two permanently saved drafts (very originally) entitled "to do" and "to do # 2".

The best thing about lists is that they help me organize all my thoughts/goals/tasks/ideas. Just writing them down and seeing them in print makes all the items on my lists seem both possible and manageable. While 'to do' lists form the basis for most of my lists, I also like to delve into other areas. After my first school year in Austin was done in May 2008 I was faced with the certainty that I didn't want to continue there after the next year, but the uncertainty of what I did want to do. I remember spending a sunny and pleasant May morning making lists of careers I thought I would like, places I wanted to live, and countries I wanted to visit; and feeling much better about the future as I was doing so. I still have all the lists I made that day, and I occasionally still look at them, and still feel better.

When I was in Paris the summer of 2008 doing research for my masters I attended this conference called France Noir Black France. One of the presenters gave his paper on Josephine Baker and her rise to fame in Paris; included in his power point presentation were photographs of some of Baker's lists that he had come across when doing his research in her personal papers. I was fascinated!! It's really cool to see other people's lists because they show you what that person is thinking about, their plans, their ideas etc etc.

I approached this past fall which just ended with some trepidation - I was starting over (in a way), beginning a new job, trying to get settled and into a routine and I seemed to have all these things I wanted to do but no sooner would I resolve to do them, then they'd leave my head and I'd end up feeling discouraged and down. The solution to my problem came in the form of lists! I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish for the fall in general, and then since I felt so good after writing that, I opted to make a list of goals for October. That went so well, that I made one for November, and then December too. Now it's almost January 1, 2010 and for the first time in a long time I'm actually making New Year's resolutions, and I'm really excited about them - mostly, I think, because I just view them as a continuation (or maybe a slightly glorified and hyped up version) of my monthly goal lists. While I am going to make a list specifically for January, it feels good to also have some ideas in mind for the winter, and for 2010 as a whole. I also have a brand new little notebook whose pages are just waiting to be filled with lists.

When I wake up in my makeup

I've never been much of a makeup girl. In fact, L.'s mom (yet a different L. than the ones before! I have so many friends whose name starts with the letter L) once told me (when I visited L. and her family in Dallas a few years ago) "I'm going natural tonight - just like you!" I think my decision not to wear makeup, however, stems from my inability to do a good job putting it on; not because I don't think it looks good or because I prefer looking 'natural.'

Back in the fall of 2004 when I lived at Stebbins, my fabulous roommate C. was an expert at putting on makeup (both herself and other people). Before parties (and I used to go to a lot of parties in those days, far more than I go to now :) I'd always get C. to do my makeup. I'd sit there obediently while she worked her magic, and when I'd look at myself in the mirror after she was done I always felt transformed, like Cinderella going to the ball. My eyes seemed bigger, brighter, and I felt more mysterious. And happily that feeling would last all night, and usually beyond... Since I didn't regularly wear makeup, I didn't have any makeup remover and regular soap just doesn't do the trick. After brushing my teeth and rubbing a washcloth around my eyes, I'd fall into bed with my makeup still on and the next morning, I'd always be surprised at who was staring back at me in the mirror. Far from feeling used up (as the Hole song suggests) when I'd wake up in my makeup, I actually liked it. Sure my makeup was a bit smudged and faded, but I thought I looked good. My eyes may have been tired, but the black eyeliner still managed to brighten them up. My still made up face also represented tangible proof that I had gone out, that the really fun party the night before had occurred, that I was still the Princess with the glass slippers, and not the maid standing dejectedly on the road next to a pumpkin.

This past summer, I decided I wanted to start wearing eyeliner again, even though I no longer had a C. who could put it on for me. I asked N. for tips when I visited her in July. When I came back to Toronto in August I went promptly to the drug store and bought Cover Girl Exact Eyelights in Vibrant Pearl (aka black). Though N. cautioned me that black is pretty dramatic, I tried out brown a few times and decided I just didn't like it. If I'm going to wear eyeliner, it has to be black. I'm still not very good at putting it on but I can do a decent enough job. I've only worn it a handful of times this fall, and always at night, but I really liked it. It brought back some of that mysterious vibe I had going for me in Fall 2004, and I do think it makes my eyes look good. I've decided my makeup goals for 2010 should be to try wearing it during the daytime a few times and see how it feels, and perhaps even to try lipstick. Exciting!